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Chapter 6 LECTURE NOTES
Revising Business Messages
CHAPTER SYNOPSIS
Students often resist the work of significant, substantial revision in favor of proofreading, so you
may wish to spend enough time on this chapter to emphasize that all three—editing,
proofreading, and evaluating—are important. They must operate in concert for any written
communication to be successful. Writing requires greater precision than speaking because a
speaker can get instant feedback and correct misunderstandings. Writers do not have the luxury
of instant feedback and reply.
5. Evaluate a message to judge its effectiveness.
WHAT’S NEW IN THIS CHAPTER
• Updated the Taco Bell opening case scenario to show how the company rescued itself from
bad publicity, providing readers with a context for a relevant chapter-ending application
assignment.
70 Chapter 6 Lecture Notes
• Addressed the importance of the revision process in the digital age, emphasizing that even in
this hurry-up culture, taking the time to revise messages reduces confusion and increases the
writer's credibility.
• Revised many chapter illustrations and examples to reflect social media and digital
applications to connect traditional writing techniques with today's digital environment.
• Added coverage of writing concisely for microblogging on social media networks to guide
students in efficient and appropriate techniques.
• Provided examples of Twitter messages that illustrate how to write concisely, clearly, and
correctly in only 140 characters.
• Captured attention with a Reality Check titled "What's Bad, Boring, and Barely Read All
Over?"
• Added a brief discussion of "zombie nouns" so that students recognize what happens when
writers "suck the life out of active verbs."
• Presented at least 90 percent new or substantially revised end-of-chapter activities to give
students fresh opportunities to apply their writing skills.
LECTURE OUTLINE
I. Taking Time to Revise: Applying Phase 3 of the Writing Process (p. 177)
• The final phase of the 3-x-3 writing process focuses on editing, proofreading, and
evaluating.
• Some experts recommend devoting about half the total composition time to editing,
proofreading, and evaluating your message.
Definition: Revising means improving the content and sentence structure of your message.
PowerPoint slides 1-3
II. Tightening Your Message by Revising for Conciseness (p. 178)
• Use the fewest words possible to make your message easy to understand and to save
the reader’s valuable time.
A. Eliminating Flabby Expressions
Figure 6.1 Revising Digital and Print Documents
PowerPoint slide 4
B. Limiting Long Lead-Ins
PowerPoint slide 5
C. Dropping Unnecessary there is/are and it is/was Fillers
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PowerPoint slide 6
D. Rejecting Redundancies
PowerPoint slide 7
E. Purging Empty Words
Figure 6.2 Live Chat Connects Service Reps and Customers
PowerPoint slide 8
F. Writing Concisely for Microblogging on Social Media Networks
• Microblogging consists of short messages exchanged on social media networks such
as Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr.
• Microblogging may be public or private.
• Twitter limits each post (“tweet”) to 140 characters. Conciseness and accuracy are
important.
• When microblogging, include only main ideas, choose descriptive but short words,
personalize your message, and be prepared to write several versions.
PowerPoint slides 9, 10
III. Making Your Message Clear (p. 183)
• Clear messages are immediately understood, simple, and conversational.
Figure 6.3 Conciseness Improves Clarity in Understanding Drug Facts
A. Keep It Short and Simple
• Apply the Kiss formula: Keep It Short and Simple!
Instead of this
The purpose of this e-mail is to notify staff members that you will not be able to park in
the parking lot while it is being repaved next week.
Try this
While the parking lot is being repaved next week, please park on Elm Street.
PowerPoint slides 11, 12
B. Dumping Trite Business Phrases
Instead of this Try this
every effort will be made we’ll try
in accordance with your wishes as you wish
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PowerPoint slide 13
C. Dropping Clichés
Instead of this Try this
make a bundle earn more money
fit the bill solves a problem
PowerPoint slide 14
D. Avoiding Slang and Buzzwords
• To sound professional, avoid slang and buzzwords. Slang is composed of
informal words and arbitrary and extravagantly changed meanings (snarky,
Chapter 6 Lecture Notes 73
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1. What's involved in the revision process? Is revision still necessary in a digital age when
2. What's wrong with a message that begins, I am writing this announcement to let everyone
know that . . . ? (Obj. 1)
Chapter 6 Lecture Notes 75
3. What is microblogging, and why is conciseness especially important in microblogging
5. What's wrong with familiar business phrases such as as per your request and enclosed
6. Why should writers avoid expressions such as first and foremost and think outside the
7. What are buried verbs and zombie nouns? Give an original example showing each. Why
9. How do bulleted and numbered lists improve readability? (Obj. 3)
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11. What is the difference between serif and sans serif typefaces? What is the preferred use
13. In proofreading, why is it difficult to find your own errors? How can you overcome this
Chapter 6 Lecture Notes 77
1. In this digital age of rapid communication, how can you justify the time it takes to stop
2. Assume you have started a new job in which you respond to customers by using
boilerplate (previously constructed) paragraphs. Some of them contain clichés such as
pursuant to your request or in accordance with your wishes. Other paragraphs are wordy
and violate the principle of using concise and clear writing that you have learned. What
should you do? (Obj. 2)
3. Because business writing should have high “skim value,” why not write everything in
bulleted lists? (Obj. 3)
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5. Ethical Issue: What advice would you give in this ethical dilemma? Brittani is
serving as interim editor of the company newsletter. She receives an article written
by the company president describing, in abstract and pompous language, the
company’s goals for the coming year. Brittani thinks the article will need
considerable revising to make it readable. Attached to the president’s article are
complimentary comments by two of the company vice presidents. What action
should Brittani take?
Brittani is in a difficult, sensitive position and needs to be cautious about handling this
situation. All of her options involve risk. She could ask the president for permission to
revise the article, but this action could anger her boss and endanger her position.
She could seek the advice of one of the vice presidents, but both of them seem to be
protecting the status quo. If her interim position will last only a short time longer, she may
want to “forget” the article and allow her successor to handle this situation. “Forgetting” to
publish the article is the least acceptable because Brittani is portrayed as weak and unable
to make difficult decisions.
ZOOMING IN
Taco Bell and Doritos: A Marriage Made in "Belly-Busting Heaven"
Critical Thinking
⚫ Assume that a recently hired culinary product manager is charged with generating and
implementing new menu suggestions. What role does communication skill play in this
person's effectiveness in completing this task?
Even if someone has excellent creative ideas for a new product or strategy, those ideas will
be unappreciated unless they can be expressed effectively. Employees and entrepreneurs
need strong communication skills to explain their ideas to others when support is needed to
proceed. Even individuals in technical fields such as hospitality, law enforcement, and
information technology need communication skills to explain their ideas and convince others
of their credibility.
⚫ Do you think a culinary product manager would make an oral or a written presentation
of new menu ideas?
A Taco Bell culinary product manager would probably write a report that would be
distributed before or after an oral presentation. Ideas presented to managers must be carefully
thought out and well documented.
⚫ Why is a writing process helpful in developing a presentation of new ideas?
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Both novice and veteran writers benefit from following a writing process. If the writer knows
the structure of what should go in the introduction, body, and closing of a report or a
presentation, the task becomes immeasurably easier.
ZOOMING IN
Your Turn: Applying Your Skills at Taco Bell
Date: Current
To: Taco Bell Management Council
From: Ross Navarro, Culinary Product Manager
Subject: Fast-Food Trends and New Menu Options
As you requested, I am submitting the following ideas based on my observation and
research about eating trends in fast-food restaurants. Below is a rough outline of possible
concepts to upgrade Taco Bell’s menu. This memo summarizes the findings to be presented
at your next Management Council meeting.
First, I will focus on upscale menu items with sophisticated flavors and fresh ingredients.
However, I know that the items must also meet Taco Bell’s strict criteria: high-quality
flavor, portability, and ease of production. In a depressed economy, our restaurant can and
should offer value as well as tasty food. From my firsthand experience as a chef and from
current research, I have observed numerous eating trends.
Current Eating Trends
• Low-fat, healthful choices. With as many as one in five U.S. consumers on a diet, our
menu should reflect low-calorie, healthful options that still taste good.
• Spices. Consumers are appreciating more highly spiced foods and hot sauces. Spicy
Thai and other ethnic dishes are growing in popularity.
• Freshness. As consumers become more knowledgeable and more discriminating, they
are demanding fresher ingredients.
• Tasty food but at low prices. In an economic downturn, consumers are looking for
value meals that don’t break their budgets.
Given the increasing acceptance of Mexican cuisine and the rich array of flavors and
textures, we have many possibilities for expanding our menu. Although my full report
contains additional trends and menu ideas, I will concentrate below on four significant
concepts.
New Menu Concepts
• Spicy grilled items. Selections might include chicken marinated in lime juice, chipotle-
rubbed ahi tuna served with cranberry-mango salsa, and Volcano Beef Burrito served
with Lava sauce.
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• Fresco menu. I suggest that we offer an entire menu of ten or more items that cater to
dieters and health-conscious customers. The Fresco menu might include Crunchy Beef
Taco, Grilled Steak Taco, Blazing Bean Burrito, and Ranchero Chicken Soft Taco.
These low-calorie, low-fat items will contain fewer than 10 grams of fat but be tasty,
filling, and inexpensive.
• Self-serve salsa bar. We could offer exotic fresh salsas with bold flavors and textures.
• Fruit-flavored frozen drinks. Mango and strawberry-flavored frozen beverages topped
with strawberries could be sweetened with sucrose rather than high-fructose corn syrup
for an appealing, inexpensive, low-calorie selection.
I would be happy to discuss these ideas with you in greater detail and to demonstrate them
in the kitchen. Thanks for this opportunity to work with you in expanding our menu to
ensure that Taco Bell remains tops in Mexican cuisine.
Ethics Check Solutions
Ethics Check, Page 189
Costly Writing
Bad writing can be expensive: A Philadelphia lawyer was charged with malpractice to the
tune of $6.6 million for drafting a poor commercial lease. The judge in Los Angeles said the
draft was “inartfully written and done so in a confusing fashion, which lends itself to
ambiguities and disagreements.” Can you think of other situations when writing can be
deliberately or accidentally misleading and cost money?
Students may come up with examples involving the small print in contracts and agreements.
They may also be reminded that, for example, on the Internet, most Web surfers simply click “I
accept” on terms of use without ever reading them—sometimes inviting spam or allowing their
personal data to be shared with third parties. Careless writing also wastes time in the workplace
when recipients cannot be sure they understood the intent of a message.
Ethics Check, Page 192
Overly Helpful
Students may visit writing centers where they receive useful advice and help. However,
some well-meaning tutors take over, revising documents until they don’t resemble the
original student work. Instructors worry that the resulting documents amount to cheating.
Yet in the workplace today, writers must collaborate, and drafts go through multiple
revisions. Individual authorship is often not relevant. How much revision is acceptable in a
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